♪ They hold the people ♪
♪ Children of the Earth ♪
♪ The sentinels of the Holy Grail ♪
♪ The guardians of brave ♪
♪ Why must you always kill ♪
♪ And why must you die ♪
♪ Go ask your Lord to help you, God ♪
♪ And makes disasters ♪
♪ Spreading the disease ♪
♪ He produces deadly wars ♪
♪ Much easier than peace ♪
♪ He will choose misery ♪
♪ Against prosperity ♪
♪ And this is why you can't be free ♪
♪ Skies are your shepherd ♪
♪ How real is your blasphemy ♪
♪ Is there any future left ♪
♪ For this lost humanity ♪
♪ Whenever you touch beauty ♪
♪ It shatters in two degrees ♪
♪ And this is why you can't be free ♪
♪ Because of you, the world is dying ♪
♪ From the oceans to the mountain peaks ♪
♪ Mother Earth is renewing ♪
♪ Mother Earth is nowhere it needs to be ♪
♪ You're killers of the virus, the virus ♪
♪ And the cancer that should be banned ♪
♪ For the only way you can survive ♪
♪ Is to kill ♪
♪ [...] ♪
♪ You built your steel glass towers ♪
♪ Higher than the birds can fly ♪
♪ And there you breed and multiply ♪
♪ You procreate until you die ♪
♪ So listen, Homo sapiens ♪
♪ Here's the deal for you ♪
♪ So listen to what we got ♪
♪ And then go cry ♪
♪ We'll tear down your cities ♪
♪ We'll save you from deed ♪
♪ And clean out this planet Earth ♪
♪ From your misery ♪
♪ -You're just a plague, - you're just a plague ♪
♪ Evolution's] disgrace ♪
♪ While we are the cure in the common race ♪
♪ In the common race ♪
♪ [...] things that can't make you free ♪
♪ Make you free ♪
♪ We can now [...] ♪
♪ And let's make Earth great again ♪
[Obi narrating] The world as we know it ended in 2018
when the war between Earth and Moon Nazis
culminated in nuclear Armageddon.
The last survivors from Earth
boarded the only remaining craft capable of interplanetary travel,
Vestial Celestials' Amelia,
and travelled to the Dark side of the Moon.
The good news is humanity found a refuge.
The bad news is it was in a former Nazi Moonbase.
They were living side by side with former Moon Nazis.
My name is Obi and I live on the Dark side of the Moon.
How's that for a fancy opening line?
I've lived here my whole life,
along with the last 1980 humans left in the Universe
or... so we thought.
What am I looking at?
An old Walkyr ship, Ma'am.
On its way from Earth.
How did someone get one of those things airborne?
Who's even left on Earth to get it airborne?
It's heading here?
Straight course for the landing dome.
The hatch is closed, right?
The hatch is... opening?!
It opens ! Opens ! RUN!!
Sir, we are receiving an override signal from the craft.
Well, turn it off, shut it down!
That's not how override signals work.
We've gotta get people out of there.
Evacuate, seal the dome!
Any way to tell who's on that ship?
Ma'am, we have pinged every comm frequency we have.
If they have an override code...
...they must be from the Base.
We don't know who they are and what they want.
- I can't let them land. - So what's the alternative, Mom - shoot them down?
The last thing we need is any more Nazis back on this station!
Obi!
OBI !!
Stop her!
[PA] Warning, pressure dropping in landing bay.
Evacuate immediately.
We are ready to fire, Ma'am.
Are you okay?
What is this?
GOD ! WHAT THE HELL ?!
She went over here!
Maybe over here! Miss Washington, stop!
Obi, what's going on? We are shutting down section by section!
Move! Move! Move away!
We're up.
Sir! I think she's in the hangar!
What?! No.
Abort fire!
Okay.
Here we go.
[PA] ... environment depressurized Please use breathing devices.
What the hell?
What?
- What is she doing? - She's going to save them.
- Bring security. Lots of it! - [PA] Opening doors
Obianaju Washington! You could have gotten yourself hurt!
Hello, Moon people!
Who are you?
My name is Sasha.
[guns cocking] Relax.
We... come from Russia.
Well... was Russia, before this... Earth, how we say...
- ...blowed up. - And what is this supposed to be?
Heh. Girl.
What is look like? It's my ship, Kolya.
I build it myself.
H-he-hey-hey-hey! No touching.
[Obi] Looks like you covered it in glue and rolled it through a junkyard.
Well... concern was to save my people, not making beautiful sculpture.
Did you use a TPMS to regulate the landing rockets?
Yes. From Volvo Diesel.
- Had to root through exhaust manifold, gladly... - But that's not possible.
There's no way to hold power without a D30.
- It's easy to bypass with Tupolev Series RA. - Bullshit, then why didn't you use one?
Why didn't I use one?! We were slowly dying on the radiation planet.
Not living in Moon paradise, okay?
Excuse me.
May I be in charge for a minute?
You the boss-lady?
Mm-hmm.
- You looking for paradise, I got news for you. - Obi, enough.
How do you know about the Moonbase?
It's programmed into computer, knows how to get home.
It's like a, um...
is said... (whistling)... a pigeon. Like a metal space pigeon.
- Damn straight it's a pigeon. - He-he-he.
Sorry.
I'm sorry but you can't stay here.
We barely have enough food and supplies for the people already here.
Mom.
Look at them.
We can't send them back.
- Obi... - Especially not on this thing.
I have a responsibility.
Put them in the storage rooms. For now.
Post guard so that they can't leave.
I will see what I will do with them later.
Move the refugees to storage room 27.
- Let's go. - Feed 'em. Give 'em blankets.
- Move. - Appreciate the hospitality!
[Guard] Come on, move it along, go.
Girl, come visit me tonight, no?
I can tell you about the Tupolev RA, maybe other things, no?
- Come on, let's go. - [russian] Hands off!
[PA] Have you tried our fresh alki-burgers, hamburgers yet?
[PA] Come to the market at Level 17.
[Obi narration] I'm not sure they would've been in such a hurry to get up here
if they knew what a shit hole this place was.
Overpopulated, under-supplied, and very little
in the way of medicine, hygiene, or skilled professionals.
I mean literally, it's falling to pieces.
If it's not the Helium 3 reactor that blows,
another random moonquake takes down the life support. And, of course,
I am the only one who bothers to learn how to fix things around here.
[PA] Moon quake alert. Moon quake alert.
[siren wailing] Stay close to the walls and wait for the quake to end.
[PA] [...] blower malfunction. Air pressure dropping.
[PA] Air pressure stabilized.
You okay? You okay? It's gonna be alright.
[Obi narration] As it's been so often throughout history,
while the regular people suffer, one group has all they need.
I'll spare you the bloody details, but today the Jobsists
are the official religion on the Moonbase.
I have a question for you about this Moonbase.
Are we in a closed system or an open system?
[Renate coughing]
It is a closed system.
And it is only in a closed system,
where we control all the inputs
so the outputs will-be-in-harmony.
There are two types of people in this world.
- How many people who love... - Shut the fuck up, sweetheart.
It is a perfect mechanism.
Now let us pray for our Holy Father Steve, to shed light on us.
Look at your ePrayer apps.
[Crowd] Holy Steve, who art in the cloud,
hallowed be Thy designs.
Thy will return as the CEO when others have failed us.
Give us our inflated devices prices...
There's somebody here who does not appreciate flawless design.
Someone who considers themself... Power user.
- You! - Huh?
Let me see your phone.
Jail-broken!
Why don't you want to be like everyone else?
Is our selection of default wallpapers not sufficient?
Do we not provide you with an adequate choice in ringtones?
You know what happens when unauthorized changes are made.
You get bricky bricked.
No! No!
Help!
Aaarrrgh!
I believe in Steve, I believe in Steve! I believe Steve, I believe Steve!
I believe in... [Female voice] Have a nice afterlife.
Hi, Obi.
Lena.
You left all these people out here to die.
The temple is open only for those true in faith.
Like the guy that maniac just blew into atoms?
He was excommunicated.
Probably a hacker... or a pirate... or both.
Here.
Man's got a point.
Do you have any idea how much those doors cost?
Do you have any idea how many people were stuck out in a hallway?
The System must remain closed.
How long you think your System will hold up if I change the WiFi password?
- [all gasping] - Huh?
Okay.
Ceremony over. Everybody go back home.
- Mom? - [Renate coughing]
Mom.
Hello sweetheart.
Why are you in here?
Did you know what was going on outside?
[Renate coughing]
Mom, where's your medicine?
You don't need to worry about me, sweetheart.
- Yes, I do. - I'm fine.
I have to worry about everyone.
Ever since Dad died, I'm the only person keeping this place running.
The moonquakes are getting worse.
The wirings in the hallways are all corroded.
The centrifugal blowers are... I mean, Mom, I don't know
how long I can keep the life support working without help.
Thank you, Donald.
We offer simple solutions for every problem.
All we ask people is: "Think different".
- Fuck off. - Obianaju!
You will never find a man if you keep talking like that.
Mom, I don't need a man, okay? I'm fine.
[Guard] Commander.
Hello, Malcolm.
Hey Malcolm.
Ms. Washington.
I heard you saved the day out there.
Not bad.
Yeah, thanks. It was, um... you know, nothing.
Well, I'd better be off. I'll see you girls later.
Ah, he's such a fine young man.
And you two would make beautiful babies.
What?
[Obi narration] Here's what's left of Amelia.
Poor girl was cannibalized for parts years ago.
And no one stopped to think what we would do
if the only spacecraft left...
was torn to pieces.
- You see the .6G soccer match yesterday? - Oh yeah. His side won.
- Can't understand how we've become so bad at it. - I can.
Oh!
Ahhh!
Who are you?
You know... who I am.
The Moonführer?
My mother watched you die.
Your mother.
My Götterdämmerung.
- What about it? - [Wolfgang] Where is it?
Been gathering moon dust for the last 20 years.
You... humans!
All you want to do is destroy what I CREATED!
Like I destroyed your lazy knot?
Stupid human.
No, don't do that.
You need me!
Your mother is sick!
What do you think you know about that?!
What do I need you for? Huh?!
Give this to her.
It will make her feel better.
What do you have to lose?
You know she's going to die soon.
- Mom, you okay? - Obi.
- Mom. - What is that?
You gotta bear with me, okay?
You got to try it. - [Renate coughing heavily]
What was that?
Where did you get that from?
I'll be right back.
- I knew you would be back. - Explain.
It's called Vrillia.
It is pure energy.
It powers all our ships... and made us live forever.
"Us". Who?
[Wolfgang] You have to cut me loose so I can show you.
[Obi] Better not try anything funny, old man.
We are...
...The Vril.
[Wolfgang narrating] A long time ago, we arrived on this planet
after a very long journey.
Our ship was heavily damaged.
But we were in luck.
We had found a planet...
... with air, and water, and life.
My fool of a brother was in charge.
He ordered us to try and make contact with the locals.
I told him it was a mistake.
Of course I was proven right.
We were the only intelligent creatures on the planet.
It was ours.
We studied the flora and fauna.
While the others obsessed over big game,
I focused on the small.
A new order had arisen.
The primates.
Then, I did something I knew my brother would never understand.
I stole some of our precious Vrillia.
and gave it to my two favourites.
Adam and Eve.
I could have waited, let nature take its course.
But why not give evolution a nudge?
But I learned soon, that the paradise was doomed.
My brother ordered us to take our ship and move underground.
You see, the Earth... is hollow.
In the Center...
...you find enough Vrillia... for all of us.
Enough to power your ship.
Enough to keep your mother alive.
The other Vrils are not as nice as I am.
They hate your kind.
Won't be easy to get the Vrillia from them.
Wasn't planning on asking.
Oh, how human of you.
The entrance to the hollow Earth
lies between two mountains on Antarctica.
Entrance to hollow Earth?
Okay.
- And once I'm down there? - You find the city of Agartha.
In the middle of the city lies a temple where they keep the Vrillia
in a simple vessel called The Holy Grail.
What's your angle?
Why so eager to help?
I'm running out of option... my dear.
Just like you.
But you have to go soon!
- Take that Russian with you. - What? No!
- What, you want to fly that ship by yourself? - Why don't you go with me?
Ah, no, no, no.
My presence would only expose us all.
But there's something I want you to have.
Gross, I don't want that.
Can come in handy.
Fini.
[Obi] If this is gonna work,
you have to promise to keep your mouth shut
and do exactly as I tell you.
[Sasha] Ah, only need Sasha for muscles.
Okay, you will be impressed, girl.
Back at Vostok station, they call me the Siberian Bear.
- Oh my God. - You ever seen bear?
I fight them! All the time.
If you see TRUE Russian bear...
Donald?
Ever thought of driving that thing off a cliff?
I hear this time of year is very nice at the center of the Earth.
I know about your little trip. I want in.
- Girl, you need... - Shut up!
- [...] go by your [...] - Stay there!
Obi... let's put our differences aside.
I need... your... help.
Why would I - ever - help you?
You and I both know the truth.
The Moon is not going to be here for long. Soon enough we will all be dead.
I just need some comfort for my flock.
Alright.
Sure.
Let's go.
What was this? Why you allow them to come?
Might be the only way I can finally get rid of them.
Okay, stop.
Alright, we need to get rid of him.
I'll go find something big.
Stay here, don't talk.
[Guard] Red goes here and the white right... here.
Hey!
AAWWW!!
Dude.
This is like a fully punch-resistant outfit.
How did that make any sense in your brain?
Hey Donald. What's up Brian... Kyler... Fat Tyler?
Obi?
Malcolm.
[Malcolm] What are you guys doing here?
Uh... sorry, um...
- We really didn't know that was you. - Hello, I am hurt one.
Listen.
We are gonna steal that Walkyr.
Head to the Center of the Earth which is apparently... hollow,
and hopefully find the one thing that can get my ship running
and save my Mom and basically the whole of mankind. Okay?
Okay, cool.
- Can I go? - YES!
I mean yeah, sure, we could use the muscle.
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. Excuse me, it's my job.
Who is it?
Who are you? Listen, tough boy.
Team is full. Already have all the m...
... muscles we need.
Hey, um, Malcolm, not that I'm complaining, but shouldn't you keep the armour on? We...
- It's gonna be dangerous. - Huh?
Oh, that's not mine.
There's, like, an insane fine if I wear that off duty.
Anyway, it's okay.
- I got my lucky shirt. - Hmpf! Lucky shirt.
Alright. Let's do this.
[Obi narration] Yeah, let's do this! Next stop, Earth.
Years of nuclear winter have rendered the surface uninhabitable.
What fun and adventures we'll have there.
Or we'll die a horrible radiation death. Buckle up.
Man, it's cold in here.
- Oh, sorry, you want me to put on the heater? - Yeah, yeah, that'd be great.
I don't have any.
Are you sure this thing can handle atmospheric re-entry?
Please, girl, it will hold. I build it. Just read the map.
So... the map says we should be headed toward Antarctica, uh...
... look for big... ice sheets or something.
Well, that helps.
Half the world is covered in ice these days.
- Oh. - Yeah. Oh.
Anyway, um...
Head south... toward... that big building over there.
- What is that place? - Beats me.
Let's just land down slowly.
- What are you doing? - Adjusting the yaw.
It's not yaw, it's pitch! Get your hands off!
Oh! Who puts the pitch where the yaw supposed to be?!
- What was that? - Congratulations, girl.
- You broke it. - No, I didn't!
Stay... very... very still.
I can't turn the ship, you broke it!
I didn't break anything! It was already in pieces!
[Sasha] Don't touch anything anymore!
- [Obi] We're gonna CRASH!! - [Sasha] It's your fault!
- Pull this! - It won't budge!
- I knew it! Russian quality! - Don't blame me, it's German engineering!
[all shouting loudly]
Oh ! Okay. Okay, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
- Are you fine? - Yeah. I'm fine.
[Sasha] Okay, everybody out.
This is the last time I'm getting into anything built by you.
Would have been fine if not touch pitch button. I told you it was faulty.
I'm surprised the whole thing didn't explode. The CDI and the OBS were completely miscalibrated.
- Uh, guys. - [Obi]Did you get that SL meter from an old...
Guys!
- [Obi] What?! - [Sasha] Actually I did, so what?
Holy shit.
Maybe goes without saying, but we didn't expect to see this.
[Obi narration] Wow, shit. Turns out it was all true.
I guess that means Vrillia really is powering that tiny adorable little sun thing over there?
And that's what we need.
Alright, what do you think?
Probably go around here and then go in the middle.
Did anyone think to bring a compass?
Sorry.
No reception.
I thought... I had it somewhere.
Wow.
Is that a... whoa, yeah.
Nokia 3310, it's classic.
My Dad used to talk about these all the time.
- Yeah, I remember that. - First phone he ever had.
Is this the original cover?
It's indestructible. Survived nuclear war.
Does this still do the Menu...
...star button? Yeah, auto-lock.
Of course.
- All the original ringtones? - [Sasha] Absolutely.
Snake?
Unbeatable high score.
Man, you should put that away.
If that freak sees you, he will 'excommunicate' you in a heartbeat.
- 'Exco' - what? - You don't wanna know. Just put it away.
Actually... let me see it again.
So which one is it? Put it away or give?
- It can't be both. - Does this thing have a compass?
No, it's... it's just games.
Settings.
- Tools. - Yeah, check "tools".
It's calculator, clock...
Compass.
Works perfectly, and no WiFi needed.
This is it.
The promised land.
The perfect closed system where we can control everything.
This is what I want.
Ryan, open your PowerPoint.
I'm going to dictate some slides.
Alright, people.
I've got a strong feeling it's this way.
Follow me.
Let's go meet the CEO of this place.
Hold on.
I'll go check it out.
That sounds like the exact opposite of what you should do.
Malcolm. Malc!
Malc, Malc!
Don't worry, I...
...I keep you safe here.
Really? You gonna keep me safe?
What, you don't believe me?
Girl, I have experience. Fighting bear, also tiger.
In Russia, in my camp, we have many hungry animal...
Malc?
This place is crazy.
That things was like 'Arrgh!'
And I was like...!
ARRGGHH !!
Promise me you'll never do that again.
We should probably go then, because there's like 10 more of them coming.
Where is the problem? 10 against 1 is almost fair fight.
We gotta go.
- Which way? Don't say that way. - Uh...
Well, um, I... just...
I just need a second.
She doesn't know.
We're lost.
We're not lost. I said I just need a minute.
It's wrong.
It's this way.
We just came from there.
Wait.
You're, like, actually insane?
We are inside Earth.
It's simple. It's like mirror.
Only East is West and West is East.
Me, crazy...
[Obi narration] The legendary city of Agartha.
At the Center of the Center of the Earth
and at the center of that, the Vrillia.
Unfortunately, the place is crawling with Vril.
And I'm not hugely fond of shape-shifting reptilian humanoids.
This should be interesting.
We have a union.
[speaking Vril]
[Male] Kaboom!
[...]
Well, it certainly has been an interesting last few millennia.
With this whole infiltrate the upper echelon of human society
and manipulate them into destroying each other.
Now, we might have just gone a little heavy on the... political realm. Heh...
Pardon me, Madam.
But in my own defence, I was far and away the first of us
to swim those, um... frigid waters.
Uh-huh. And we're all real proud of you, Caligula. But...
you went, for a lack of a better word, insane.
And we've all learned that humans really don't like their insanity being challenged...
... then there was that little thing with your horse.
-We're just friends - [horse neighing].
My God, little Zucky, yay!
Who knew that social media was gonna work?
That was brilliant.
Everyone too wrapped up in cat videos,
and sending dick pics to procreate instead of thinking with their brains.
Very nice.
Sure helped with my case during the elections.
And you two crazy kids with your...
...crusades and your jihad or whatever you wanna call it. Ha-ha!
Nothing like a little monotheism to throw people into centuries of ...
..battles over exactly the same ideology.
Ah! Don't even get me started on Ady.
Ady Hitler with the Achtung, Hail.
Hail my sexiness, hail me! Ha-ha...
- [speaking foreign language] - Oh shut up, you old drunk fool.
What about me?
You managed to destroy all that human vermin.
But you destroyed everything else along with them,
Madam President.
Well...
Total victory. Heh. All but a few stragglers... gone
And... now the planet is ours again.
Yes, a beautiful, unlivable planet.
Totally nuclear wasteland.
Very good, Ms. President.
- I will say something. - Shut up!
Perhaps I wasn't paying attention, but we still have our spaceship.
Why can't we just take it and move to another planet?
Space, Margaret.
Space is huge.
Where do you recommend we go?
Second star to the right and then straight till the morning?
You know how difficult it is to find a planet to live on?
My brother... created this... pest!
The humans.
He will get punished as soon as I find him.
But we really didn't have to leave...
...if you hadn't turned the surface into... radioactive mess.
Ms. President.
A total victory indeed.
I really don't think there's any reason to overreact.
Please. Calm down. Sit down and enjoy your meal...
Aah ! AAAHH !!
My dear sweet brother.
I will find you.
And when I find you, I dip your head in a bucket of shit!
Shit.
- Umhh ! - Nuts.
Alright, looks like we're gonna take a left at this junction...
...and then...
Look! Look, look, look, look. It's him!
It's really him! He's still alive, I told you!
Donald.
I don't even know why I have to tell you this
but that's not him.
- How can you be sure? - Because we're in the Center of the Earth.
Who knows how far his reality distortion field extends?
Perhaps we only think we're here, because that is what he wants us to believe.
He... is first among Steves. He will show us the path!
[Jobsists praying to Vril Steve]
Okay, we gotta run.
[Jobsists praying] Greetings, your CEO-ship.
So what is plan?
Just give me a second, I can come up with something.
Maybe go back to running, no?
Here, go, come on!
You two go ahead. I'll hold 'em off.
Come on.
Let's go.
I'm confused. What we gonna do next?
We're gonna go get that Grail.
I thought we were supposed to save your man.
- I know him, he can take care of himself. - And I can't?
I can't do this alone, okay?
I need you.
[Vrils gurgling]
[Jobsists whispering]
- Alf, what's his name? - IBM, IBM.
Um, Donkeys, Donald Trump, no.
Look at the costume [...]
- King Nazi! - [Female] King Nazi, that's it.
I have so many questions.
We can help each other, quid pro quo.
You didn't let me finish.
I have so many questions.
Too bad... that you're not going to be alive to answer them.
Nobody's getting killed!
They need us.
I have a business proposition for you.
You're going to like this.
- [Obi] How do you open it? - I don't know.
Stop. Give me paper.
The structure says here...
... something about finger.
- Ah, maybe it is gibberish. - Maybe not.
[Sasha] If you have an idea, now is needed.
What is that?
Brother?
Where is he?
Quid pro quo.
What do you want?
I need you to bring my people here to the hollow Earth.
So you can ruin Agartha...
...like you have ruined the whole planet?
Only my followers, only the Jobsists.
We of all people appreciate what you've done here.
We will maintain it in perfect harmony.
Donald, are you negotiating with Hitler?
He is not well known for keeping his promises. Czechoslovakia, anyone?
Do you take me for a fool?
I'm trying to get him to sign an End-user License Agreement.
No one reads that shit, man. He's just gonna do whatever he wants.
It's a Holy Binding Contract.
Siri, End-user License Agreement.
[Siri] Opening Holy End-User License Agreement.
[Donald] All that information there is contingent upon whether...
Yes, yes, yes, yes. Agree.
Siri!
Maps. Destination... home.
[Siri] Calculating directions to home.
- [Siri] Route planned. - That explains a lot.
The Dark side of the Moon.
You did us a great Service.
Now we can finally leave this horrible planet.
Of course. A man's only as good as his exit strategy.
I can brainstorm with you.
As long as you deliver my people to me.
Yeah.
About that.
Mittagszeit, boys!
[Obi] Wow. The Holy Grail, huh?
I'm gonna go get it.
Be careful!
It says here the Grail is attached to the base
but can't be removed without triggering some kind of, um...
...self destruction.
Wow.
What do you think's the weight of this thing?
Why wait?
Ah, weight. Weight...
It's about 84 "zolotnicks".
Zol-what? Did you just make that up?
It's an old Russian system. Look it up some time.
It's...
...um... 1500.
- 1500 what? - Ounces.
Or grams. Can't remember conversion, but probably grams.
It was ounces.
Uh-oh!
I saved room.
You looked the most delicious.
Not to give away my plans or anything.
But shit's about to get real when these chains come off.
You will not take the chains off.
That's not how captivity works.
Sorry, I should have been more clear.
[Vril Steve hisses]
[shouting in German]
There!
- [Sasha] You know how to drive chariot? - [Obi] How hard can it be?
[Vril Thatcher shouting]
- [Vril Osama] Infidels! - [Vril Pope] Satan!
[Sasha] Jump on!
[Vril Pope laughing]
[Sasha screaming]
You Polish bastard!
[Vril Thatcher screaming]
- Give me that! - [...]
Jump in! Now!
Whoa!
This is gonna be interesting.
- Go, GO!! - [creature bellows]
- Come on, guys! I know you can make it! - We won't get there!
Guys!
Are you okay?
[Vril Pope shouting]
[Vril Pope] HOOLY SHIIIT!!
I really hope this is a stupid question but you guys have the grail, right?
We don't have to, like, go back for it?
Oh, cool.
What happened to the others?
Hitler ate them.
Not a euphemism.
Alright.
Our work here is done.
[intercom announcement in German]
Obianaju Washington!
Do you have any idea in how much trouble you're in?
Leaving like that was the most naive, most stubborn...
Mom, not now!
And the bravest thing I've ever seen.
I'm so glad you're back.
My little baby.
Out of the way, out of the way!
[Renate] Wolfgang? This can't be true.
- Did you find it? - [Renate] Find what?
- [Renate] It's beautiful. - Excellent.
Give it to me.
You think I'm just gonna let you walk out of here and leave us all to die?
Then your mother dies first.
- [Renate] Shit! - Okay, enough.
Why you shoot him, huh? You think he's more dangerous?
- Must be taken out of equation? - Sasha! - Ah, tc-tc-tc...
Listen.
I am very dangerous, because...
Right on time.
Good old German punctuality.
[speaking German]
Oh, I hope it's not what I think.
You've gotta be kidding me.
[Sieg Heil! Mutterfickers...]
Brother.
How nice of you to visit.
Step away from the ship.
You guys actually dying or can you help?
I'm fine, I've got two kidneys for a reason.
- I'm fine too. - Sasha, go prep my ship.
Malcolm, sound the alarm. We've gotta get everyone out of here, now!
Mom.
Mom, you've gotta go with them, okay?
I'm gonna... I'll find a way to stop him.
Obi! Listen to me.
I have lived my life.
I had my chance to be a hero.
- We don't have time for this, please. - Obi!
You make me so proud, honey.
mein Liebe
Your father and I will always love you.
What are you doing? Wait, Mom.
Mom.
Now you go ahead... and save... what's left of humanity.
Blondie...
[Obi] Everybody get on that ship! Come on!
- Give me Grail, let me do the rewiring.
- No, it's my engine. I just gotta get these people in there. Deal with it!
- [Sasha] Obi! - WHAT?!
We are a team now. Trust me.
Come on, go!
Okay people, come on!
[in Russian] Ni figa...
Come on, get in.
Sasha, come on, the whole base is collapsing.
Mom!
Mom, come on, you can make it!
MOM!!
[Wolfgang]I won't... die.
You're so much more than I ever could dream.
A shame... that you come to such an end.
No, no! NOO!!
It doesn't matter, Wolfgang.
They have the Grail and they are safe!
No! Oh, NOOO!!
[Obi Narration] It wasn't until that moment that I realized how much I'd looked up...
...and relied on my Mom.
How much all these people had.
And now they were relying on me.
Main engines running at full capacity.
Shield power.
One now.
Coffee machine is online.
- Everyone okay? - Yes.
Air pressure is under control.
Sasha?
[Russian] Oh, God!
Sasha! Sasha, talk to me!
Why is this happening?
I don't know.
It's happening...
It's not easy to make a fool out of me.
- Which one is the weapons? - There are no weapons.
- This is a transport ship. - Is American, must be weapons somewhere.
I have plenty of weapons if that helps.
You and everyone on board are entirely at my mercy.
How is he contacting us?
I gutted all of the comms gear from...
Cellular network.
Malcolm, take the helm for a second. Sasha, show me your phone.
You humans never understood how it could have been if we would have worked together!
And not against each other.
We... could have conquered the whole gal...
Cliche villain monologue off.
- Thank you. - Spasibo.
This has a field, looks a lot like a shield around the ship,
and then a gauge that's down, like, 75%
Okay, it's, um... almost gone now!
Well hello.
Malcolm, can you, um... can you hold him off for, like, 10 seconds?
No idea.
We're in.
Right?
Smart girl.
Wanna bet that hypocrite Donald has his phone jail-broken, too?
- Yes! - [Obi] Bingo.
Wanna do honours?
Malcolm! Turn him on.
You never understood.
Hey! Wolfgang!
All I wanted to do...
...was to help.
My mother sends her regards!
- Huh? - [Siri] Have a nice afterlife.
Yes!
Da!
Yes. Yes!
- DA !! - YES !!
YEAH! YEEAAHH !!
[Obi Narration] Hope is a funny thing.
All it takes is the smallest glimmer
and you can walk forever through the darkness
or fly on a rusty space bucket
or... a 'spacey rust bucket', as Sasha called it.
Yes... yes!
And that's a new high score!
Sasha, you... you okay?
Oh.
You got the Salisbury Steak, I'm sorry. I should have... have told you about that.
No, it's not that.
I'm just no match for him.
He fight pre-historical felines, survived explosion, not eaten by Hitler.
I have no good stories, no good body. I'm just...
...how you say ...an oiled baboon.
That's-that's not at all how you say it. It's, um... it's "grease monkey".
Listen, I've been meaning to ask you about your Valcyre.
I was wondering how did you manage to stabilize the exhaust manifold?
I was trying to figure it out, but then...
... all this happened and I am, well, you know...
I was re-routing it through a...
...the 17th thermometer.
It used toilet as exhaust.
That was the only way I could figure out
how to get rid of the excess stink without using the coolant.
That is perfect.
- I know it's not elegant but I tried to... - No, no, it's, um... perfect.
She likes you, dude.
I thought she likes you.
Dude. She's a little too scrawny for me.
I like 'em big, strong, and hairy.
Like an oily baboon.
[laughing] Yeah.
No, no, no, don't have to be worried.
I very open minded. I have, I-I mean, some of my best friends are...
Are you okay?
Are there... peanuts in the sauce?
And... shellfish?
And... wheat?
- Yaah! - Ah! Oh!
[Obi Narration] There's nothing worse than saying your goodbyes too early
And sending off the memory of your loved ones.
Especially if it's an empty casket.
Aten-hut!
I never had a chance to say how much I loved her
and now it's too late.
And Malcolm, my only true friend, always...
[coughing]
Malc?
You're alive?
Sorry, guys.
I have this weird thing where my body shuts down, it's like...
...total catatonic state.
My mom must've buried me almost 20 times, when I was a kid.
It was crazy.
So you guys figure out you like each other yet?
[Obi Narration] Well... maybe you knew it already
but to me it came as a surprise.
That annoying, wiry, greasy Russian.
Who would've guessed?
The rate this thing is travelling, it's gonna take us 100 years to get to Mars.
You forgetting to take[...] of force gravity into account.
Acceleration much faster, is closer to 80.
I'm certainly not forgetting that.
But we're on course to take advantage of the orbital eccentricity and meet it at its perihelum.
Eccentricity cycle much faster than Earth's. It will pull us forward to...
[Obi Narration] Now... we're headed for Mars.
The Red Planet.
Maybe humanity can survive after all.
We'll never know but at least our children will have a chance.
Fingers crossed.
♪ My English is no heaven ♪
♪ My German's even worse ♪
♪ But I can drive the spaceship ♪
♪ Across the Universe ♪
♪ If there's any life on Mars, ♪
♪ I haven't got a clue ♪
♪ The only thing I know for sure ♪
♪ Is I'm in love with you ♪
♪ Searching through the galaxy ♪
♪ With stardust in your hair ♪
♪ We lost the Earth forever ♪
♪ And the Moon is no more there ♪
♪ Flying through the Universe ♪
♪ And orbits in your eyes ♪
♪ We lost the Earth forever ♪
♪ But our love is on the rise ♪
♪ The time is passing by ♪
♪ And we are getting old ♪
♪ But you are always on my mind ♪
♪ My heart just won't grow cold ♪
♪ We left a million miles behind ♪
♪ The water has all gone ♪
♪ We haven't reached the planet yet ♪
♪ To land our spaceship on ♪
♪ Searching through the galaxy ♪
♪ With stardust in your hair ♪
♪ We lost the Earth forever ♪
♪ And the Moon is no more there ♪
♪ Flying through the Universe ♪
♪ We maybe won't survive ♪
♪ We lost the Earth forever ♪
♪ But our love is... ♪ [music fading]
[chorus singing in Russian] Kalinka-Malinka-Malinka-Moya...
♪ You think that you've said it all ♪
♪ And you'd understand ♪
♪ What is down and above of us and in between ♪
♪ There's a whole lot left of the world ♪
♪ That you haven't scanned ♪
♪ And the king and the queen you obey ♪
♪ Aren't what they seem ♪
♪ You're a danger to yourself ♪
♪ And to me and all my friends ♪
♪ If you underestimate them ♪
♪ 'Cause they're savage to the bone ♪
♪ And they'll never leave you alone ♪
♪ Until they have taken your head ♪
♪ So wars on us, it's time to begin ♪
♪ Where the bravest ones will never give in ♪
♪ No promises, I don't know how this will end ♪
♪ But the iron sky comes crumbling down tonight ♪
♪ Waiting here in the dark trying to breathe ♪
♪ It's all too silent ♪
♪ Sure the light and the voice in my head ♪
♪ That calms me down ♪
♪ We got a whole lot left of the Earth ♪
♪ To save from violence ♪
♪ So I dream of a night with you ♪
♪ Before it gets loud ♪
♪ You're a danger to yourself ♪
♪ And to me and all my friends ♪
♪ If you underestimate them ♪
♪ 'Cause they're savage to the bone ♪
♪ And they'll never leave you alone ♪
♪ Until they have taken your head, so ♪
♪ Wars on us, it's time to begin ♪
♪ Where the bravest ones will never give in ♪
♪ No promises, I don't know how this will end ♪
♪ But the iron sky comes crumbling down tonight ♪
♪ Wars on us, it's time to begin ♪
♪ Where the bravest ones will never give in, no ♪
♪ No promises, I don't know how this will end ♪
♪ No... but the iron sky comes crumbling down tonight ♪
♪ Tonight... ♪
♪ The iron sky comes crumbling down tonight ♪